Renew
“Every single cell in the human body replaces itself over a period of seven years. That means there's not even the smallest part of you now that was part of you seven years ago.” 
― Steven Hall

In marriage, love and life we must renew our minds, hearts and commitment on a continuous basis in order to thrive and keep things heading in the right direction.   We renew subscriptions to magazines, our license at the DMV, our goals every January 1st and so much more.  The value of a  renewal in a marriage can't be measured.  Eric and Kimberly renewed their 15 year wedding vows just a few weeks ago at Calistoga Ranch.  I had the privilege of officiating.  Something magical happened in their hearts as they faced each other and shared their deepest love and most passionate desire to love one another in sickness and in health for many more years.  Renewal says, "I want you to know I would do it all over again without hesitation".  Renewal is important.

Listen (its a gift)
Listening Statistics
Immediately after we listen to someone, we only recall about 50% of what they said.
Long-term, we only remember 20% of what we hear.
More than 35 business studies indicate that listening is a top skill needed for success in business.

Really listen to someone when they're talking.  If its your wife or husband, listen with both ears and not one hand on your phone or thoughts elsewhere.  If its a business associate, listen with your eyes and your ears, they matter.  If its your child exhaling thoughts about their day, listen intently and get involved in the conversation.  People eventually figure out if you're a listener or not.  When I was in college I had a friend who would always stop me in the hallway and want to catch up but would never really listen.  He would ask a question and then focus on the college girls walking to class behind me.  Finally I spoke up and said, "You're not listening after you ask a question".  Next time we spoke, he apologized and became a better listener.  Our friendship grew.  Listening is a gift.  Give that gift often.

Lighten It Up
Have you ever found yourself laughing with your loved one uncontrollable?  Its just one of those moments you feel like there's no one else in the world except you two.  It's fun to remember and reference back to as well.  Look for opportunities to lighten up the mood.  Sometimes we're just too serious.  There's ample reason to be stressed and uptight but . . . come on!  Find a favorite comedian, watch a comedy or just learn some jokes.  Humor brings more than just physiological benefits to a husband and wife. Humor helps us cope.  Humor relieves the tension that can build up between people. It also will bond you with those you laugh with. Research has found that laughter produces Oxytocin, a chemical in the brain also referred to as the bonding chemical.  Learning to laugh a little more just may save your life, not to mention your marriage. To paraphrase Henry Ward Beecher, “A marriage without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs – jolted by every pebble in the road.”  

Stay Close
Have you ever purchased a single banana?  I did once and I was confused. I'm so used to just grabbing a bunch.  Who just purchases one?   One looks very lonely and seems to have less appeal than when in a bunch.  Why is that?  Bananas are born in bunches and stay that way until eaten.  There meant to be in bunches.  Our relationships are much the same.  We were born alone but instantly dependent upon someone else for our existence.  That tells you that as people we need each other.  We are meant co-exist and be one of the bunch.  In your marriage or close relationship, stay close.  Do things together often.  My friends ride a tandem bike a couple of nights a week.  I have other friends that play or watch each other play tennis a few days a week.  How many times a week do you have too much distance away from your significant other?   Girls nights out, boys nights out, sports, activities, work, kid stuff, clubs, yard work, etc . . .  Stay close as a banana and watch what happens to your relationship:)

Half Won't Do
Have you heard the saying, marriage is a 50/50 contract?  I've heard it many times and always questioned the idea of that.  I remember back in the day when my football coach would ask me to give my 100% on every play and I knew that meant to leave it all on the field.  He wanted me to give all I had and then some so our team had a better chance of winning.  And what if everyone on our team did the same!!  In all things we should give our best which means delivering a 100% effort so that we might succeed at whatever we do.

Marriage is a relationship that deserves our 100% effort.  When I'm performing a wedding I always share that each spouse is responsible for an all out, full scale, 100% effort at making their marriage work.  So 50/50 becomes a 200% effort between the two.  Have you ever been asked at work to give your full 50% effort or would you be happy with a Barista at Starbucks filling your cup of coffee half way?  How about a doctor administering partial treatment or a policeman offering 50% protection from an attacker?  50% is not the number you want to hear unless its the percentage off of an item your shopping for.  When it comes to your marriage half of your heart and a 50% effort will not suffice.  It's 100% from both of you starting now:)